AT HOME 
as defined by Merriam-Webster:  1 : relaxed and comfortable : at ease <felt completely at home on the stage>  2 : in harmony with the surroundings 3 : on familiar ground

Having had the distinct honor of working from home for about a month I've decided that noone should work where they live & sleep. Its like keeping gasoline in the refrigerator next to the milk.  No sense to it and potentially life threatening. 

One needs a safe haven.  Shouldn't we all have a place where we can go, slam the door, direct obscene hand gestures towards the door we just flew through, kick shoes off and say something profound like, "f$*k off!!"?    Then FORGET ABOUT IT for awhile.  Now, if home can't be that place then nothing is sacred anymore.  This hit me lastnight while I sat in my livingroom that is no longer a livingroom.  I looked around at all the work orders that need billing, invoices that need mailing, checkbooks that need balancing and computers in all stages of disrepair... I did the only thing someone can do in my position.  I ran away.  Okay only for several hours but I got the hell out of there, nonetheless.

Ran to my older sisters.  We just sat in her livingroom that looks like a livingroom and talked like normal adults for at least 3 minutes.  I was too restless doing that so I suggested we pile everyone in my vehicle and go out to eat.  After dinner I dropped everyone off and we ended up walking over to my brothers house.  He stepped on a nail at work yesterday and had decided to drink the pain away so we helped him with that for awhile.  This morning talked him into going to the hospital for a tetnus shot.  He grumpily went and they opened up the wound, cleaned it out, xrayed (he scraped a bone ouch!) and got antibiotics.  Says it feels worse.  He gets to stay out of work for a few days.  Why does he have all the luck in the family?  Oh, and his livingroom looks like a livingroom too but I would rather have the computers instead of empty beer bottles and ashtrays.

I promise never to chew my nails for no good reason again.  Without realizing it I gave myself a maniacal manicure.  What was I thinking?  Somehow I must've received the wrong brain signals. Maybe I was hungry but then there are all sorts of hungry.  Knowing me, this actually makes some kind of crazy sense.  GS & PEM came over today.  I thought at one point GS was trying to wash clothes in the drier (Hello brain, are you short circuiting?)  We laughed our head off over that.  She really is incredibly wonderful to love me in spite of my shortcomings..
I called Director today.  I had decided to give up the group until Fall b'cuz I felt I couldn't commit to all the rehearsals.. She maintains she cannot lose me.  She wants me to show up when I can, catch a couple Saturday practices and still sing with the group at performance time.  That might work for me so I'm happy to report that I'm still Alto 1 for The Voices. 

Since my fingernails are now short I decided to practice my guitar (McGuivere) tonight.  Good News.  The pick isn't nearly as scary an object as I once thought.  I'm going to master this in another six years max. 

My dog just took off with my sheep wool feather duster (sounds impossible..a wool yet feather duster?)  Anyhow... I've decided he can keep it.  Not like I really use it.  I guess I bought it to make people believe I'm serious about cleaning.  Does this make me a more "sophisticated" housekeeper?  Because I'm using the cadillac of dusters?  Like they can't tell that I do the bare minimum...hello.  I'm going for the whole pot of coffee today.  Will keep you posted.

One of my girlfriends called on me regarding her marital problems.  Since I've been through that whole co-dependent/alcoholic relationship bit she figures I'm an expert on the subject.  She'd be right but in the wrong sort of way.  I have this whole resentful, bitter kind of expertise that probably makes any advice I give her questionable.   Nothing unnerves me more than watching her stand by silently hoping & wishing for better days.  She is naive in believing that enduring hardships will win her points thus someday things will "get better" and he will "see the error of his ways".  It's bullshit.  It's called allowing yourself to be demoralized.  It's called, "Hello...we only have 1 (I repeat 1 in case she isn't getting the picture) life to live."  Do I sound intolerant?  Okay, so I'm carrying around some unresolved anger...
I mean...WHY STAY IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT DO NOT WORK?  WHY STRAIN AND STRUGGLE AND GRIPE?   This girl is beautiful.  I'm not even talking sort of pretty.  On a scale of 1 to 10 she'd be a 12.  No lie.  I'm not ugly and totally blowing this out of proportion.  But, I'm the kind of Meg Ryan, Cameron Diaz sort of fun cute.  She's drop dead freaking model look lovely that just glances at men and they drool.  So she's going to put up with all this for what?  Not that it takes looks to get guys.  There is so much more....GS...You know what I'm talking about we've had this conversation...Okay...so I've decided that me giving advice is NOT a good idea.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.

Attributed to confuscious

I once met a man who loved woman.  No, I'm not talking about a womanizer who wanted to jump anything with boobs.  He literally loved everything about women in general.   He loved the smell of woman, the softness, the contours, the smile, the hair, the shape...he even found amuzement in the bitchy ones.  There wasn't a woman he met that he couldn't find something unique and special in.   This was unnerving and a bit intimidating if you dated him.  I found jealousy rearing its ugly head.  It was just that he clicked on a level that bonded him to each and everyone woman he met.  This man was average looks but there was something so alluring & magnetic about him.  He made every woman feel good about simply being a woman.  It was really that simple in his mind.  Because you were a female...you were a treasure to be mined.
He was achingly slow in showing his affection.  Like a panther he would circle you, run his fingers through your hair and ever so slowly he would pull you to him only so he could hold you..  Nothing more than feel your warmth.  He was never in a rush to enjoy the moment.  He could breathe you in like wine and he be drunk on you.  Like a slow burn... he was candles, flowers, massages, walks in the rain, unexpected phone calls at midnite just to hear me talk... 

I always thought a man like that only existed in romance novels...until I met one.  He ruins it for the average Joe.  Because I know that others are out there.... and he can't be the only one of his kind.  Sometimes its curse knowing this...