I promise never to chew my nails for no good reason again.  Without realizing it I gave myself a maniacal manicure.  What was I thinking?  Somehow I must've received the wrong brain signals. Maybe I was hungry but then there are all sorts of hungry.  Knowing me, this actually makes some kind of crazy sense.  GS & PEM came over today.  I thought at one point GS was trying to wash clothes in the drier (Hello brain, are you short circuiting?)  We laughed our head off over that.  She really is incredibly wonderful to love me in spite of my shortcomings..
I called Director today.  I had decided to give up the group until Fall b'cuz I felt I couldn't commit to all the rehearsals.. She maintains she cannot lose me.  She wants me to show up when I can, catch a couple Saturday practices and still sing with the group at performance time.  That might work for me so I'm happy to report that I'm still Alto 1 for The Voices. 

Since my fingernails are now short I decided to practice my guitar (McGuivere) tonight.  Good News.  The pick isn't nearly as scary an object as I once thought.  I'm going to master this in another six years max. 

My dog just took off with my sheep wool feather duster (sounds impossible..a wool yet feather duster?)  Anyhow... I've decided he can keep it.  Not like I really use it.  I guess I bought it to make people believe I'm serious about cleaning.  Does this make me a more "sophisticated" housekeeper?  Because I'm using the cadillac of dusters?  Like they can't tell that I do the bare minimum...hello.  I'm going for the whole pot of coffee today.  Will keep you posted.

One of my girlfriends called on me regarding her marital problems.  Since I've been through that whole co-dependent/alcoholic relationship bit she figures I'm an expert on the subject.  She'd be right but in the wrong sort of way.  I have this whole resentful, bitter kind of expertise that probably makes any advice I give her questionable.   Nothing unnerves me more than watching her stand by silently hoping & wishing for better days.  She is naive in believing that enduring hardships will win her points thus someday things will "get better" and he will "see the error of his ways".  It's bullshit.  It's called allowing yourself to be demoralized.  It's called, "Hello...we only have 1 (I repeat 1 in case she isn't getting the picture) life to live."  Do I sound intolerant?  Okay, so I'm carrying around some unresolved anger...
I mean...WHY STAY IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT DO NOT WORK?  WHY STRAIN AND STRUGGLE AND GRIPE?   This girl is beautiful.  I'm not even talking sort of pretty.  On a scale of 1 to 10 she'd be a 12.  No lie.  I'm not ugly and totally blowing this out of proportion.  But, I'm the kind of Meg Ryan, Cameron Diaz sort of fun cute.  She's drop dead freaking model look lovely that just glances at men and they drool.  So she's going to put up with all this for what?  Not that it takes looks to get guys.  There is so much more....GS...You know what I'm talking about we've had this conversation...Okay...so I've decided that me giving advice is NOT a good idea.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.

Attributed to confuscious

I once met a man who loved woman.  No, I'm not talking about a womanizer who wanted to jump anything with boobs.  He literally loved everything about women in general.   He loved the smell of woman, the softness, the contours, the smile, the hair, the shape...he even found amuzement in the bitchy ones.  There wasn't a woman he met that he couldn't find something unique and special in.   This was unnerving and a bit intimidating if you dated him.  I found jealousy rearing its ugly head.  It was just that he clicked on a level that bonded him to each and everyone woman he met.  This man was average looks but there was something so alluring & magnetic about him.  He made every woman feel good about simply being a woman.  It was really that simple in his mind.  Because you were a female...you were a treasure to be mined.
He was achingly slow in showing his affection.  Like a panther he would circle you, run his fingers through your hair and ever so slowly he would pull you to him only so he could hold you..  Nothing more than feel your warmth.  He was never in a rush to enjoy the moment.  He could breathe you in like wine and he be drunk on you.  Like a slow burn... he was candles, flowers, massages, walks in the rain, unexpected phone calls at midnite just to hear me talk... 

I always thought a man like that only existed in romance novels...until I met one.  He ruins it for the average Joe.  Because I know that others are out there.... and he can't be the only one of his kind.  Sometimes its curse knowing this...

A long time ago in a place far, far away I used to spend hours in the quiet of my breakfast nook starring at the pine trees swaying in the wind dreaming up all kinds of lyrics, poetry, thought provoking quotes.  A fairy tale world where Friday evenings meant no work until Monday morning.  And to think that was less than 1 year ago!  Somehow life lifted me gently then slammed me back into the pavement.  Whew..I'm still scraping myself up. (Just picture Wile E Coyote...that's me folks.)

Yes, alot of stuff stinks in my life right now.  Yet when I take the time to study the issues--- most of what is rotten in denmark are things I have no control over or things I am not willing to do something about.  I worry more about the things I have no control over.  Does this even make sense that I would do that?  Because why should I?  I cannot change these things.  My mind just cannot comprehend that there isn't some logical solution to a problem!  This particular week is a downer because I'm so damned sick with this chest cold.  Yet, simultaneously, I am getting alot of computer business!  So maybe there will be a fairy tale ending after all???  I'll bet prince charming is just around the next bend...

Having bronchitis and trying to sleep is like wearing sneakers on ice.  There is no bed comfortable enough, no pillow plump enough.  I thought about taking an extra dose of Nyquil but I hate medicine and I'm anti-drug...so, that thought was somewhat desperate and fleeting... Today was like drinking warm pepsi. Flat.  Not a good after taste.  The plus is I'm feeling somewhat better...or I'm just getting used to being a walking zombie of pain... 


Visits  Saturday GS stopped by to show me her hair!  At first I was shocked because it looks longer and more vibrant than her blonde...then I started seeing the indian in her again.   It's amazing what hair color can do for some people.  Changes the whole look of them.  She looks great!  I loved it.  PEM stopped by to pick up an order.  She was in a good mood as she left the kids home for a change and had a break!  Saw BLC today when I dropped a math book off at her house.  She called me Friday night in desperate need of this book and here it is Sunday and I ended up dropping it off.. That is BLC for you.
Update on FIL    KMB will be visiting (SECRET visit to discuss what we should do about FIL).  He drove a shopping cart right out into the street the other day yet MIL thinks he's still alright to drive?  What if it had been a kid and not a shopping cart he didn't notice?  EEK.  I want to run, far far way from this whole ordeal yet I cannot turn my back on family no matter how damned ungrateful and unwise they are.  Someone tell me I'm right in this decision!!  I don't feel confident of it.